Time heals and destroys me

When I was a lot younger, I felt I had the perfect idea of what my future would look like. I've always talked confidently about my plans and how I was sure they were foolproof. Everyone who got close to me was certain I always knew what I wanted. That made it kind of difficult for me to ask for help when I needed it or directions when I felt lost.

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I don't think I've ever been hard on myself based on the ideology of others. It has mostly been about the image of myself that I feel I've planted in people's minds. I've portrayed myself as such a confident person who has a lot of things figured out so when things don't work out as they should for me, I feel terrible.

How I see life

I've always imagined life to be an open field of opportunities and chances. I feel like when one opportunity is missed life will surely bring another one. I believe in chances, coincidences and possibilities.

I believe that destiny meets preparation. When you are ready for something or in the formative period of getting ready, life throws you more chances. I believe this because I have experienced this several times.

My view of life has sometimes made it hard for me to just pause and smell the roses. I view it as a series of constant motions to I never really pause and ask myself what "living my best life" would truly entail.

Designing and living the best life

Due to the fact that I've always seen life as a series of motions, designing my ideal life would involve motions that I enjoy without looking at the time.

My best life would be one without a clock. A life where I could just live and enjoy every single thing I do to my satisfaction without looking at the time and wondering what I would do next.

A life where I can go out partying without thinking about a job with a deadline, or one where I can pick up a course, not feel pressured by my mental deadline and just enjoy the learning process.

Recently, I did myself a favour by letting go of an extra weight that was making me stare at a calendar, giving myself a series of deadlines that were constantly breaking my heart.

Letting go of that weight did so much for me that I can't even begin to explain. I began to see life to be bigger than that singular dream and I began to take more chances without a deadline lingering over my head.

While I still have other deadlines lingering, letting go of that major deadline felt so relieving that I cannot even begin to explain.

Conclusion

I haven't thought properly about what my ideal life would be like but I do know that the absence of a timepiece would make it a lot clearer for me.