"Are you sure you did not see the car?"—a pre-Valentines stalker incident witnessed by my college friend and I

It was a Sunday night before Valentine's day. A perfect day for dates, honeymoons, and cafe trips. People were spending great times with their lovers and significant others. Unfortunately, both my girlfriend and I were loaded with work at home. We arranged another time for a good sushi buffet to make up for the annual occasion. But fortunately, it was a day for couples to live the moment and celebrate on their social media.

Before getting into a story, think about this. Can people with no partners live the Valentine's or pre-Valentine's moment too? Of course, it is a day of showing love and affection to significant others and not limited to romantic relationships. I would like to frame the question: can an individual enjoy a particular moment during Valentine's occasion? The following story will relate to this theme.

Remark: No direct harm was caused in this story. This story will tell about how my friend got away from the situation and the lessons learned from the incident. For her privacy, I will censor her actual name and any specific information that may reveal her identity.

During that night, my girlfriend and I were watching a movie together via Netflix Telepathy. It is something we always do after long days of work. Halfway into the movie, I saw notifications in my LINE App. It is from a group chat of my university cohort. This group chat is one of a few tools for my classmates to stay connected after graduating. The chat was nowhere near as active as before, so any notification from that chat will signal important or urgent messages. (NOTE: LINE app is one of the most popular messenger apps in Asia, and this story took place in Bangkok, Thailand)

It was from one of my close friends. She is one of the quiet ones in the class, and she usually sends memes in another group chat. So any notification with text from her means urgency or important messages. My friends speak English in this group chat because the courses we took were in English.

(Image Source: LINE group chat of my university class)

In this post, I will refer to this friend of mine as Chan. Chan sent a location, which is a jazz bar, and asked if anyone in the group was nearby. Fortunately, the jazz bar was roughly 10 minutes drive from my residence. When I saw the message, I immediately asked if she was calling anyone and was anyone on their way to her location. After letting Chan know that I was near her location, she direct messaged me asking if I can pick her up and explained the situation. There was a guy who claimed to be a local vocalist in the bar, who put beers onto Chan's bills and made her uncomfortable with his way of approaching.

I let my girlfriend know that I might be heading out and told her that one of my friends was needing urgent help. My girlfriend allowed me to go, so I headed out immediately in my car, and dialed Chan to keep track of the situation. Chan picked up and, while trying to calm herself, explained the situation.

Chan was supposed to go to the jazz bar with two friends. Chan arrived at the bar first, but her two friends suddenly canceled the plan. As a jazz music lover, Chan decided to stay for a short while, but she did not expect a man to approach her. Normally, Chan claimed that she always has a technique of rejecting a creepy man, but this time she met a very persistent harasser. The situation became uneasy for her as the conversation continued as follows.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No, but I am talking to someone"

"I don't buy that. A taken person won't be alone in a bar on pre-Valentine's."

"...."

"Do you believe in one-night stands? Or friend-with-benefits relationships?"

"..."

The man gave Chan a copy of his album disk with his signature while getting closer to her. Chan immediately stood up and asked the staff to move to a different table. Chan successfully moved to a table with only a single seat, but the man followed her and stand very next to her. The staff kindly told the man about having no add-on seats for the table.

"It's ok. I can stay standing." The man boldly told the staff.

Chan decided that she needed to get away as soon as possible and asked the staff to check the bill. To her surprise, 4 pints of beer were put into her bills. That was when she sent the above messages into the group chat. Chan later asked the man if he was supposed to pay her bills, but the man denied, saying it was in exchange for his album copy. Chan told the man that she did not ask for the album copy, but the man only said he can give more than the album if Chan get to know him more.

Chan seek a chance to flee to the bathroom, but unfortunately, the jazz bar bathroom mixed the genders. Later she was aware that the man was waiting in front of the bathroom.

"What are you doing? Why are you here" Chan asked, feeling very uncomfortable.

"I am worried about you, so I decide to wait for you here." The man confidently replied.

"No, I only had a few sips. Don't worry about me. Please go back." Chan told him.

"Look, I am a very nice guy, and we can actually be good friends." The man insisted.

Not long after the bathroom confrontation, I arrived at the jazz bar. I immediately called Chan, asking her location in the bar. Chan told me to wait for her at the bar entrance, as the man temporarily left the bathroom. I met Chan at the entrance and accommodated her into my car as soon as possible. Chan was feeling very uncomfortable. She began taking heavy breathes and started crying. I comforted her as we were getting on the way to her condominium.

The bar is approximately 20 minutes from her condominium. As we were on our way, my girlfriend called me. Of course, she would be uncomfortable to know that her boyfriend was driving with another girl. Fortunately, Chan knew my girlfriend and quickly apologized to her about the situation. My girlfriend was only wanting to know where I was, or if Chan and I were in a danger. My girlfriend was kind enough to ease up the situation and help me comfort Chan, but Chan insisted that she will return the favor to my girlfriend and me, to our surprise.

I dropped Chan off at her condominium, telling her to rest and inform her friends about getting away at that point. I then head back to my residence while on a call with my girlfriend, reflecting on the situation—many girls in Thailand have been in this situation, and how some men keep doing this.

I arrived at my residence and continued the movie. It seemed like things were dealt with successfully. But Chan called me again. In the call, things were very different.

"Do you remember anyone following on the way to my condo?" Chan asked with trembled voice.

"It was hard to see. I took the main road and there were many cars, but I am sure no one followed before we got onto the main road" I replied, worried about what happened.

"Are you sure you did not see the car? Did you see anything in the rear mirror?" Chan asked again, prompting my alertness.

"No, I am pretty sure I saw no car that followed us until the end" I gambled with my assurance, not knowing what happened on Chan's end.

Chan then sent this photo to me via LINE direct message.

"This is what he sent to me on LINE, did we take this way to my condominium? I don't even know how he got my LINE, I did not even accept his Instagram follow request, not after knowing he would harass me like this!" Chan began to cry over the call.

"Yes, I recognize this on the way to your condo. Okay, I got you here, take a deep breath. Did you remember anyone following you on your way from the condo lobby to your room? If not, you are safe for now, just don't go out and call the security" I desperately try to help with her situation, completely surprised that the harasser was also a stalker.

"I FEEL LIKE A LOSER! SO FRAGILE! I AM SCARED! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! I DON'T KNOW!" Chan began breaking down, much to my understanding.

"Okay, what you can do now is call the security. Never go out of your room, okay? I'll call the police for you" I persist with trying to be of help.

"Okay. Yes, I will dial the security number." Chan said quietly and hung up after.

I was extremely worried about my friend's safety while getting frustrated by this harasser. What I could do at that moment was send text advice to Chan and tell my girlfriend that things got so much worst. But it was late at night already. I waited for Chan's updates, but she went quiet for nearly an hour. During that time, I reached out to all my classmates who saw Chan's message in the group, asking if any of them were talking to Chan at that moment. All my friends were not talking to Chan and were shocked about the stalking. They somehow relieved me that Chan is safe as long as she stayed in her room, as the stalker would not know what room number is hers.

Later, Chan got back to me to explain the rest of the story. Chan went down to the lobby to talk with security, just to meet the stalker waiting at the lobby.

"Why are you here? Go back! There is nothing to do here? How did you get inside the lobby?!" Chan angrily threw her questions to the stalker, as the security also heard her in the background.

"I will bring you home if you finish your business in your condo, or do you actually live here?" The man still talked in the usual manner.

"It is none of your concerns. Please go back. I'll call the police if you are still like this!" Chan resorted to this response.

"Wow. Chill there. Calm down. Look, I am very friendly and get along with people easily, be open to me." The man took it as something else.

"How did you let this man inside? How can I be safe with this?!" Chan complained to the security.

"My deep apologies. The man told me he came to pick up his girlfriend." The security guard replied as he force the stalker outside the condominium.

After Chan explained the situation, I had no choice but to reflect on how did the stalker follow all the way to Chan's condominium. The photo that the stalker sent to Chan had no car in front of him. The only explanation was the stalker intended to leave great distances between my car and his, so I would not recognize his car. I felt shameful for failing to help my friend to the end. I decided to let Chan be for that night, as the issue had been resolved, but it was still possible that the stalker still lurk around Chan's condo for the following days. I asked Chan to post all this on Twitter and report this incident to the police.

Two days after the incident, Chan contacted me again telling me that she reported the case to the police, despite both knowing that the stalker would not be punished as no direct actions that harmed or violated Chan were taken by the stalker. We were irritated by this fact, but at least Chan had placed a record against the stalker. Chan thanked me and asked for my girlfriend's location. 15 minutes later, I received a delivery from Chan, with a note to share with my girlfriend.

(ME: "Received, thanks a lot" | Chan: "Aight, Happy Valentines to you and your girlfriend")

Reflecting on the incident, I can say that women in Thailand had been facing this problem, where Thai boys cannot simply take "No" as a "No". And despite all the traumas Chan got from this incident, I admire her strong will and decision to reach out for help. It is possible that victims will be frozen in fear. More awareness on this problem should be raised, and bystanders should take actions to aid victims, not just in Thailand, but in any place and time when help is mostly needed.