BELIEVING IN DEATH AND LOVE AT A TIME.

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I had a strong belief way too long that death and love causes us so much pains in our daily life as far as life is concern.

Starting with death, when my elder sister died in 2006 it was a tragedy that almost ruined my life completely and caused me pains and I was in grief for more than 3 years before i was able to come to my self, wasn't easy though.

There was so much pains that I thought to myself never to go through such trauma and pains again. It took me long period of time to get my self back to my normal life.

After a while my little cousin brother also passed I was so devastated and felt more pains yet again. Then I realize that if I don't come to understand this process it would continue to hunt me for another years again.

So I looked at what was happening to me when my two siblings died. First I felt like a failure as the first son of the family, I didn't have my siblings to show the people that i was the first son, we do play and always have fun together, see here they are.

I didn't have to show it again to anyone. The other thought I had about them was that if the lived and stayed with me it will definitely show that I'm their siblings as well.

But then I had to let go what I expected of live to be. Everyone has the free will to make his or her own decisions to have a long life or short life but in my case my siblings left short.

I then realized that I will definitely celebrate them when they are alive and still have to celebrate them even after their demis.

I see life as a journey and death also because it's inevitable in as long as we are humans we are also made to die and so our soul continues wherever we find out selves death or alive. Love on the other hand has caused me more pains since turning 19.

I started my love relationship in 2016 it was so sweet at that time not knowing what the penalty would be at the end. But before then I have this slogan I always say "love is pains" "pains is love" I was even called lover boy then because I found love so interesting to my life like it's part of me.

But along the line years passed by and my partner begin to cause me pains in the relationship I couldn't hold on again became it was not longer what I thought of it before despite trying to endure the pains and frustration in the relationship still it was so hurting I had to leave the relationship reason because she has made me her puppet and sleeps around with men so I couldn't bear it any longer because I was already loosing it.

I had to live with this pains for a whole years with this girls thoughts in my mind not untill when I realized that if I don't stop and control my emotions it will lead me to my early grave.

then I started having a therapy by engaging my self in reading of books and gradually the pain left me without a second thoughts and since then I've not been in love with anyone and not even craving for that because my books keeps my mind straight to achieving my purpose in life.
Thank you for reading.