For most of my life, I've always been tired. Literally since birth lol. I can still vividly remember as a kid in school I would always yawn and sometimes even fall asleep for a short time (and not get caught haha). My mom had told me I snored as a child though she said she noticed it happens sometimes. I was constantly tired in my childhood that my mom would constantly tell me to take iron supplements cos I might be anemic that's why I didn't have energy even though we didn't take blood tests lol.

Anyway, recently with my ADHD diagnosis, I have connected those sleeping problems to that. There are times that I am full of energy but most of the time it's just tired or neutral I would say. With ADHD it makes sense that I am sleepy or tired when bored or have no motivation but if it's something I'm really interested in, I can stay up for a lot of hours just doing that one thing.

Since my ADHD and autism diagnosis, I have already changed some of my lifestyle and self care stuff to accommodate my sensitivities that come along with being auDHD. I could honestly say I'm not in the burnout anymore and have a lot of motivation to do stuff - which SHOULD give me energy now and also with the help of stimulants... but I AM STILL FCKING TIRED!

Apple watch to track my sleep

The reason why I got my apple watch back in 2021 was to track my sleep. This was when I had no idea about possible ADHD yet (which has sleeping disorders as one of the comorbidities). I think it was so interesting to track how I sleep in the night because I was constantly having lucid dreams and sleep paralysis to the point that I am not afraid of sleep paralysis anymore just cos I got used to it haha.

I am also aware that I wake up literally a minimum of 5 times per night, but can immediately go back to sleep anyway.

This is one of the results of my sleep that I randomly picked up from previous records that shows how many times I wake up and have REM (dreams). The watch records combination of stuff like heart rate, breathing, movements and stuff to analyze and come up with the sleep record.

As you can see, those red ones are my awake times in just one night. This is just my average night. No stress, no nothing. I have just been like this as far as I can remember although I have already noticed that it's getting worse now and it's bothering me more.

Apart from the constant waking ups in between, I am also having A LOT of dreams and sometimes I become lucid which is fun haha but most of the time it's just stressful AF. My dreams are sometimes running away from something. Which of course if you imagine, I'm supposed to be having a peaceful sleep but instead being stressed about whatever tf I'm dreaming about at the time, whether fighting something or running away from something... which happens almost every night by the way.

So when I wake up even after 8 hours of sleep, I'm really so tired and STRESSED haha.

Measuring heart rate with watch

One of the things I really like to measure is my heart rate both while sleeping and awake.

This is from another app that shows the heart rate in red. As I have mentioned before during sleep and when I dream, when there's a stressful dream, my heart rate spikes for obvious reasons haha. In this graph, it's not dramatic anymore because I'm taking a medication for my heart rate to go down and I wasn't able to find my previous screenshots before the medication but yeah it's quite crazy to see the heart rate spike when I knew I had a bad dream during that sleep.

This was last year when I would have a high heart rate alert FOR NO REASON. I think I was just eating and sitting down. Our heart rate normally goes up when we're digesting food but in my case it's too high that I went to the doctor for that.

The doctor gave me some tests in the lab and she also checked my apple watch recordings and confirmed that they are constantly high unnecessarily.

ALSO, that confirms that apple watch really is reliable because cardiologists trust the data from them. :D I assume other brands are similar as well.

These data are just my resting heart rate and I thought they were normal. :P They also go to 130 bpm+ when I'm walking. And also btw I'm not overweight, It's just that heart issues are in my family history.

Anyway, I am now taking maintenance medication to make my heart rate go down and will do so indefinitely - doctor didn't say when I should stop since she didn't diagnose me with anything, just that my heart is so reactive (could be my autism being sensitive) but yeah I can just go back to her once a year and take these everyday.

I really like taking these though because I don't feel my heartbeat beat so strong for no reason randomly in the day haha.

Apple watch upgrade to Series 10

Let's go back to Apple watch. I had the series 7 for a long time now and honestly have no issues with it whatsoever.

Since ADHD and autism is already gotten diagnosed and I have adjusted myself for self care, it still doesn't make sense to me why I would still feel so freaking tired. Depression and burnout is out of the table now, so what is it??

I have considered myself to possibly have narcolepsy and sleep apnea.

Narcolepsy

I have researched about this and honestly think this is possible for me as well because aside from it being linked to ADHD, it just fits my sleep issues.

First of all, excessive daytime sleepiness which I have mentioned. Burnout is out of the table so that is not the reason anymore. Regardless of the amount of sleep, I'm still so tired.

Second, sleep paralysis. Girl, I can tell you I have sleep paralysis 2x a week at one point and nowadays maybe once a month and I can see hallucinations and whatever during it but I am used to it now that I even enjoy it haha. That's also one of the symptoms.

Third, constant waking up is also one of the symptoms.

Fourth, I can go to REM sleep almost immediately after falling asleep. Normally, REM stage (when you dream) should happen about 90 minutes after falling asleep but for me it is instant. Even when I nap for 5 minutes, I can experience dreams and remember them of course.

Also, I don't think cataplexy is something I have (sudden loss of muscle control) but there are times that if I feel so much emotions both happy or sad, I get really sleepy. I can party at a club and be so happy and start yawning.

Obstructive Sleep Apnea

I may also have sleep apnea which makes me stop breathing while sleeping. I can feel my body sometimes that I relax too much that I stop breathing (I don't know how I'm still aware of it to be honest but that's just how it is) and that could be the reason why I wake up so many times at night.

@acidyo has also noticed that I snore sometimes, I grind my teeth, and even had to wake me up sometimes due to me breathing weird.

Symptoms are sleepiness or fatigue in the daytime, frequent wakeup at night, snoring, grinding teeth while asleep, and night sweats.

Which of course you can be quite confused as well because both narcolepsy and sleep apnea are possible so I need a sleep study for that to be diagnosed.

WHICH IS WHY I UPGRADED MY WATCHHHHHHH

So literally the reason why I upgraded my watch is because the new series now have sleep apnea notifications which detects constant breathing disturbances during sleep.

You can only have it with series 9, 10, and the new Ultra.

I like it though, bigger screen, thinner, more features although not really a big upgrade from my previous one. I got it in silver aluminum but it comes with a blue sports strap which I think is stupid haha why not a white strap bro?????

But I can just buy new straps or protectors and other accessories so no problem for me.

To be very honest, this was an impulsive buy because I'm sooooo freaking tired of being tired and I want something like this data to present to my doctor so the consultation will be smooth and fast cos I tend to forget some details and I do know doctors like patients who are prepared haha.

Anyway...

As I got my new watch, I went to the Respiratory settings immediately to enable the sleep apnea notifications feature and the moment of truth...

IT'S NOT AVAILABLE IN MY COUNTRY YET!!!!!!!!

Literally just 3 minutes after setting it up that I found out that it's not FDA approved in my country yet hahahah.

That sucks big time... so now I have to wait for it to be approved and please please hopefully soon cos this is so helpful for us. T_T

I like the new watch though. It has new features that I like and can use so there's no regret for me buying it. I just have to sell my old one. :D Also I just did a workout when I took that picture that's why my heart rate is elevated.

So what now???

I have an appointment for my psychiatrist this week which is just like a checkup every 3 months just to see how I'm going and I'm gonna tell her about my sleep issues. I mean, she already knows about it but I just also said that I want to observe first if that's gonna get better with medications or if my daytime sleepiness is because of my burnout and stuff.

I want to have a sleep study done but I read that I need referrals for that. So I will just have to wait til my psychiatrist appointment and maybe she can give me advice on what to do or better yet if she can give my a referral for a sleep specialist.

Sleep disorders suck

At this point I wish I was just making this up and just looking for other disorders to add to the list hahah but really, I have been experiencing this my whole life. I just thought they were from ADHD, autism, and my PTSD. All my bloodwork was normal so it's not that either. I'm really just so physically tired that it of course affects me so much that I am just hopeless sometimes and I just wanna disappear and not exist anymore.

And yes of course workout helps too which I'm also doing slowly until I get used to it but even when I was active in muay thai back then, the issues only decreased. Symptoms lessen but yeah they are still there.

I know most Hivers don't like just reading about bad news and rant and stuff but I am grateful for those of you who read about my vents since I also treat this as my journal haha and it feels good writing about my struggles cos some people can relate and may be a point for them to realize what their problem might be too.

Sleep apnea is common and snoring while sleeping is common too but being tired 90% of the time during daytime despite having full 8 hours of sleep isn't normal. I wish I just didn't have a reason to write about this because at this point it just sounds like I'm whining too much about everything but that really is my reality right now. :<

I am overall hopeful though, as sleep apnea can be treated with CPAP machine that you use while you sleep and narcolepsy being treated with stimulants which I have now. But yeah, I need to get a sleep study done and I'm also interested in what they will see there haha. They'll probably be like bro just started dreaming literally 3 minutes after falling asleep it's crazzzzyyy.

Thank you for reading my long ass post.